While others went to college, I was living a life. A life I would never wish on my worst enemy, a life that only a select few can fully understand. My life at 600 plus pounds was not a life I was proud of, but it was a life that allowed me to learn and grow. And now I believe that I, as well as others, have another job, and that's to share our experiences and help others.
So why listen to Dan?
My story is real and it can happen to anybody. I have lived in some dark and ugly places; places I willingly share with you now in hopes that you never visit. I was in prison. I was in Hell. And without a wonderful family and a great group of friends to rely on, I'm not sure I would have gotten out alive.
I realize, not everybody has that. When joy is gone, people stronger than me end their life, willingly. They feel useless and unimportant. In fact, the one question I get most, whenever I talk to a class or group, is whether I've contemplated taking my own life. Tough topic. Very dark stuff.
My answer is always the same, "NO."
I do not claim to know what happens when we leave this plane, but I know enough to not want to test it out. I believe in a higher power/source, whatever you want to call it, God or something else. I believe in a creator. And my life span is up to him. I don't want to make any decision for him, as I'm thinking he wont like that too much.
Though, in truth, I knew every time I was taking a bite of pizza or grabbing a hand full of greasy fries that I was killing myself. I knew but those addictions were calling me. They made me feel good. When I was eating, it wasn't like a fun time at the circus, but it gave me some pleasure. It took my mind away from the pain and the stress. I wasn't thinking "Just keep eating Dan, this is a great way to end it all." It was nothing like that. I didn't want to die, but I didn't care enough to stop either. Some nights, as I'd be sitting on the couch (my bed) trying to drift off, I would think contemplate not waking up tomorrow. It scared me, but the next morning it was, "Where and what's for breakfast?"
Some wake up and want a cigarette. Some take a narcotic and some need a drink. My drug was food and it was calling me all the time. But it wasn't the only thing killing me. My lack of movement aided quite a bit. I spent everyday either on the couch or in my car seat, driving B.J (my wife) to and from work. I did my late night grocery shopping sitting in an my electric cart.
So, again, why listen to Dan? Because I've been there. I've gone to the college of self hate and shame. I competed in the Olympic sport of uncontrollable eating and I've won a million medals.
But most importantly: I beat death by choosing to live.
When it comes to living with somebody you despise everyday, I have a life time of knowledge. I can help. I know how to live with a monster. If you want your life back, if you want to be inspired to make changes and control of your life--if you can relate to anything I just said--then maybe you should listen to this not-so-fat-anymore man, Dan.
Please join this blog so that I can reach out to you and you can feel me do so. Because I do care.
Peace
Dan
No comments:
Post a Comment