Changes and more changes. Since my journey began two years ago, I've shared many wonderful changes with you all--both inside and out. From the expected, like how I feel younger, stronger, and healthier than ever before. To the unexpected, like how I've had one small cold in two years--nothing really--and it lasted only a few days which is amazing to me; the guy who needed a sleep aid and nasal spray at night. At 625 pounds breathing was difficult, but then add a cold on top of it, and suffocation becomes a hard and fast reality.
Honestly, there were nights when I fully expecting not to live to see the morning.
The changes continue to come my way. While some are not always pleasing--I'm talking about the loose skin, which is driving me nuts--there are yet others that are downright amusing. So much so, I've decided to share one such change, in a very tongue-in-cheek kind of way with you today.
As you can imagine, or possibly have experienced, when losing weight, one often looks at themselves in the mirror, eagerly anticipating the changes. It just can't happen quick enough, and well, I was no different. Every day, I would spend uncountable minutes examining myself, analyzing every new detail like the thinning of my face or the fact that I actually had a neck again. And believe me, its twilight-movie- bizarre to look down and not even recognize your own hands!
But what happened to me the other day was all together different, involving a part of my body that, lets face it, most wouldn't bother to notice--not even me.
(Now,now, don't go there. That's not what I mean! LOL)
What am I talking about? I'm talking about my bellybutton!
That seemingly unimportant factor, most could care less about--unless you're a baby in the womb, of course--has become an actually obsession for me. Why? Well, just imagine how it would feel to wake one morning, and in looking down, you realize that your in-nee, or out-tee as the case may be, is now completely transformed? So, basically, what was out is now in and so forth. Would this freak you out? Or would you simply think it was something you missed somehow? LOL! Trust me, when something you think is concrete on your body, something God given, suddenly changes without you putting an effort out to change it, happens--it's shocking!
Granted, at 625 pounds, my whole body had changed. My face was bloated to an almost unrecognisable state. My arms and legs were mere tree trucks. But those happenings had happened slowly, over many years. I did not merely wake up and find myself morbidly obese. However this happening literally happened over night. Was I now permanently deformed? I worried. And the more I questions, the further it seemed to jet-out!
Imagined or not, it haunted me, and I became even more self-conscious then before, stepping up my shirt size a notch, which is hard to believe as I was already wearing a 6X! I spent time in the bathroom, no longer analyzing but rather pushing on this new deformity like it was some nipple on a baby bottle, cursing each time the darn thing would pop back out!
Face it Dan, I'd tell myself, this thing is here to stay. You might as well give it a name, like some evil twin attached at birth!
Up until a few months ago, I thought this new event was here to stay. Then, low-and-be-hold, I was taking one of those bubble baths I like to blog about, and when I looked down, "IT WAS GONE!!!!!!" That's right friends, my out-tee was an in-nee again! I was so excited, I almost caused a tidal wave in my apartment.
YES-YES-YES, I was back to the old me! And I'm not ashamed to admit that I believe my new little bellybutton to be downright beautiful. Shoot, I'm so proud of it, I may even stick my finger in it every day now. Because I CAN! (Not really. Well maybe. No, not really.)
I realize some of you reading this now may think my bellybutton status is not blog worthy material, but believe me me, it is! Why? Because when you are on a journey to get your life back, every tiny progress is worth celebrating! EVERYTHING! I don't care what it is--I didn't eat that doughnut today, I had broccoli! TIME TO CELEBRATE! I walked those five blocks to the grocery store, instead of driving. Yeah baby! TIME TO CELEBRATE! My bowl movements are regular! Oh yeah. That's for sure a TIME TO CELEBRATE.
Whatever the event is that moves you forward, celebrate it. For me this event means two things. First: It's one less thing I'll have to pay to surgically fix. Have I mentioned this extra skin is driving insane? I believe I have. And second: It's makes me feel wonderful to celebrate yet another hurdle along the journey to a new me. It makes me feel good, and in feeling good, I will push onward and upward.
So there you have it, Dan's bellybutton is Extra-Extra worthy after all! Oh, and don't get me wrong, if you were born with an out-tee, that's great! Stay beautiful. Because trust me; morphing into something opposite than what you were created to be us terrifying!
Stay true. Stay you! Can ya feel me, brothers and sisters? I know that you can.