Not so long ago, I was 625 pounds. I took cholesterol and blood pressure medication, walked with a cane, and hated life and myself. As many of you know, I've been on an amazing journey, a journey to take back my life. I'm not a teacher, a doctor, nor do I have a degree or any plaques on my wall. What I do have is the experience, a plan, that helped me to regain control of my life, and I want to help you to do the same. Let's do it together. Dan Hawthorne

Tuesday, June 21, 2016

A Little Fear



 We all have hidden fears. And I'm not talking about a terror of heights or arachnophobia; I'm talking about an emotional quandary, one that keeps you desolate and isolated from life.

   When I was in my dark period, I had many uncertainties, elevated by the pain of my obesity. I was the King of "I'm gonna," and my fear controlled me; they gave me excuses, reason's to not do the right things at the appropriate time.

 "Dan, you can't do this or that until you lose the weight," I would tell myself, and well, what were the odds of that happening? Sound familiar? Worse yet, I believed all the lies, used them even, to hold me back, confirming their truths by hitting the very next MC-drive-thru, often twice a day, just to be sure they were set in stone. 

 I wasn't gonna do a thing, not ever. I was lost, and I was my own worst enemy.  

 Are you yours? What fears are holding you back? Is it walking in to that gym, heavy, and alone for the first time? Are you wondering what people will think, if they'll stare? Or, are you worried about food? What can you eat? What can you not eat?

 How about, dying? Are you worried about that? Now that's a fear I can get behind!

 When I talk to individuals dealing with obesity, their biggest concerns are about food and support; can I have pizza, or what if I fail, what will they think?

 It's normal to fear losing that comfort we get from both family and that friend (aka) FOOD. Honestly, I'm still concerned about food today. Recently TL (my angel) and I were shopping at a country store, looking at fresh fruit and veggies, when I glanced into the refrigerated section, and there it was, my weakness, a big jar of local dairy chocolate milk! My mouth began to water, but there were many more stops to make and the summer sun was blazing; there'd be no rich creamy goodness today. 

 This caused me a great deal of stress. I found myself obsessing about it for the remainder of the day; would it still be there when I went back? Who knew! The uncertainty was nearly debilitating, and I began to chat TL up about all sorts of topics--the sun, the chance of rain, the music on the radio, anything--to distract my mind off what I was missing, never explaining to her what this chatter was really about, because how do you explain to a person with an average relationship with food what it feels like to obsess over food itself?

 There are no words. It sounds crazy, even to me, and I live it! 

 Ironically, it's that relationship with food, or the fear of losing it, that can actually cause us to pass on what needs to be done today until tomorrow. But unlike Scarlett from "Gone with the Wind" (Yes. I pay attention now to famous literature) tomorrow is NOT another day! We are guaranteed nothing.

 The Phrase "Face your fear" rings true to me.  We must attempt to better our lives, because friends, the fear will always be there. There will always be someone saying, "Don't do this," or "You can't." So, lets take a leap of faith, and ask ourselves the "what if" questions. Like what if I do, and what if I make it? What if it works? If the answers to these questions are pleasing then there's only one option--you must try!

 I thank God everyday that I overcame my fear and walked into that fitness center at Hagerstown Community College. Imagine if hadn't? Imagine what could have happened...imagine what could have been? 

 Wait a minute, I don't have to imagine, because I did try. And I did it!

 Now it's your turn. What's holding you back? Certainly not a little fear........PEACE

Dan