Somewhere within me, I knew I'd be back; reconnecting with that part of me that helped a 650 pound giant become a 300 pound man.
It's not over till it's over, they say, and my friends--it's far from over.
From my first blog in 2012 to 2018 much has transpired; a fight if you will--me against me. At the start, I was losing, hundreds of pounds that is! I was proud. I had no trouble writing about the latest step on that scale, or talking about that kick butt workout I had just finished, it was easy as pie.
(nothing against pie!)
Now, as I sit here typing, I'm not real proud, I'm not that maniac in the gym that I thought I once was a few years ago. I don't have a news camera following me around or a reporter from the Herald Mail interviewing me and asking me questions on how I achieved such great results. There's no TOPS presentations to attend tonight.
When the stage lights went out, as they eventually do, I was left with Dan.
Being left with the new me in the dark wasn't such a bad thing, I liked him. It was the old Dan that I had issues with, having banished him to some corner of Hell, never to return--so, I thought. Turns out, he was lurking, waiting. And when my life took a bump, Mr. Inspiration left the building.
The wimp had crappy timing! Life was just getting interesting too.
Women tease that Men are babies, that we could never give birth or deal with the constant issues of pain, say, as woman often do just because their woman, and frankly, I agree! Us men are meant for protecting, gathering, and providing; take that away and we become something less than our selves. Worse yet, that vision, the one we have that says we are invincible, crumbles and what's left is something worse than sickly flesh----a sick man is a world upside down!
2016 was that kind of year for me; when Bat-Dan traded in his cape for a hospital gown, then went under the knife, and well, you get the picture. It's funny because when you loose 350 pounds, one imagines that the worse is over. One doesn't think something worse can actually come along, the bad from the good. Turns out, as your body is adjusting to this new eating, it can also form other headaches. And that which was once smothered by the discomfort of being FAT now gives way to the reality of your true condition; the consequences of abusing ones self is the final eye opener to it all. No one wants to face the reality of where you have taken your body. After all, you did the work, you lost 350 Pounds! Doesn't that warrant a free pass? No. Take my word for it, the answer if a defining--NO.
2017 was spent adjusting to this new idea. That while I had done all the work, the lesser Dan, the one I despised, wasn't gone after all. He'd somehow found a reprieve from the Hell in which I'd banished him, and was now hanging around like a well intending neighbor, with a plate of food! (One mustn't be rude) Me and my old friend food; it was like going on my first date ever, and by the time 2017 rolled to an end, I had gained 100 pounds of that 350 back! Perfect. Just perfect.
This old Dan was hated and I grieved the lost of the new Dan. The Dan that inspired, encouraged and motivated. The new me made me want to put down the Snickers Bar and pick up an apple, he made me want to ride my bike to the store rather than drive the car. And I wasn't sure where I'd put him or if he was ever coming back. The stress was destroying the drive I had once had. My body had ultimately failed me, and my heart was changing. My days went from Dan the warrior, swinging heavy workout ropes and bar bells, to eating chips and picking up marbles with my toes.
It was not lost to me that I was living inside my own Power Point presentation. I could actually hear my own voice, though faintly, telling myself that I must love DAN. Not the perfect Dan, but DAN where I am, DAN. Find something to be grateful for, even in all bad circumstances! Yeah. (BITE ME) Because the dark side will take you down! (I HATE IT WHEN IM THIS RIGHT)
They say, even a teacher needs reminding, and in all the struggles comes another chance to help others more deeply. It's with a clear understanding, when I say that the 650 pound monster sits right beside me. Some days he laughs at me from the dark corners of my life! Other days, he sits mute, silenced by the drive to which birthed "Getting My life Back."
2018 is my year of return. TL, my angel, the woman who saved my life the day my body was shutting down, is by my side. I am setting forth a new path, one that will help her (and I) to finish the book everyone is waiting for, ultimately bring help to so many. It's worth repeating; every day we wake up and make a choice--get back to doing the bad or get on to the right thing.
I now live in Virginia--yes the Maryland boy is digging the state "for lovers"--TL and I do our all Elvis radio show "Blue Suede Connection" which is syndicated all over the world, on over 40 stations. There are Podcasts starting soon--yes, even for Getting My Life Back-- and of course, my journey, in all it's honesty, is back on this blog! The good. The bad. The ugly. It's all used for the better good. And together--yes you and me--we will build a life based on all good things!
After all, every day is day one to the rest of our lives!
PEACE
Dan
Ghost Blogger: Patricia Garber
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