It's been two years and many months since I first stepped foot in to the fitness center at Hagertstown
Community College. HCC, the start of my rebirth, was the place where I finally
took control and learned to believe in myself again.
Occasionally, I look
back and remember that first day, and that long walk from the parking lot to
the front door step. I was scared to death, sitting in my car, physically
shaking while just staring at the larger than life building.
What was I getting myself
in to? Would there be a load of college students just waiting to laugh at the
first 625 man that dared enter those front doors? Could I even make the walk
from the car to the building or would I pass out before I got there?
There was a battle going
on inside my head that day, for sure, a real shoulder angel happening. You're
familiar with the scene, the famous angel on the right and that little guy in
red on the left mouthing: "Don't you go in there, you fat loser! There's no
way you're going to lose weight, you're too far gone. Look at you; you can't
even walk ten feet before you have to sit and rest. You have a cane. These kids
are going to laugh at you. Nobody will take you serious. You're wasting your
time." And on the left, I was
hearing: "Go in there! This man (Thomas Burge aka The Boss) wants to help
you. You may never get another opportunity, and, if you don't go in, you
could very well be pushing up daises at anytime."
As I sat there, nerves
rattling, the white noise escalated. I was listening intently. Though not sold
on either pitch, the little guy in white made far more sense. Course there was
one looming problem--the effort alone MIGHT just kill me. Then again, no effort
WAS killing me!
To die or to die--now that's
some dilemma.
The way I saw it, I could either
go home, order me another pizza, and take my spot back on the couch, waiting to
die, or I could fight-- for my life.
I chose life.
It wasn't easy. I managed only
a few steps, from the car towards the building, before I had to take a seat at
the first available bench. It was hot.
My joints hurt. My shirt was soaked with sweat and I hadn't even worked out
yet--or had I?
Once inside, there were
two flights of stairs facing me. You've got to be kidding, I thought, and once again
the white noise chimed in: "I told you it would be a big waste of your
time. You can't possibly make it up those stairs fatty; you might as well bag
it!" Then I heard my own voice mumble: "Are you going to do this
ass-hole or not?"
This is now what I refer
to as being trapped inside my own head, doing far too much thinking and not
enough feeling. I was existing solely from the neck up, and nobody, not even me,
wants to hang out in there for too long--trust me! And really, why would any of
us want to hang out in there when everything wonderful comes from the heart?
We (YOU) Don't! And thus, brothers and sisters, the point of
this blog: To beg you to switch your focus! Stop listening to the
shoulder-angels, good or bad. In order to succeed, we must turn off the white
noise arguing with our success and turn to our hearts--the place where anything
good in our life has always emanated.
When we do this, we hear;
"give it a try," "take a chance." This voice is always subtle,
easily missed, but soothing and beautiful. It will cheer for you, help you as
it helped me to take that much needed next step forward. It will help you to
climb the mountain(s) in front of you.
On that first day, my
mountain came in the form of an elevator and a distance that felt long and tedious. But I did it one tiny step at a
time, not by listening to the white noise inside my head, which by the way was arguing it out the entire way, but by listening to my heart. And make no mistake, for
some of you reading this, it will be an uphill trek, but fight you must!
Death is not an option!
And though it's hard to
believe, what basically amounts to a short walk around a neighborhood block,
that day, changed my life. I believed in myself long enough to walk in to that
gym and it was not the thoughts swirling inside my mind that got me there! It was the
cheering I could FINALLY hear in my heart.
That first day led to other
first days.
There was no going back
to a life of canes and electric carts. I was tired of not being able to go to
the movies because I couldn't fit in the theater seats. I was tired of
feeling sorry for myself and always wishing for a healthier better me. It was
time to finally take control and I was no longer willing to just accept my self-made
HELL.
I wanted to be happy. I
deserved to be Dan again. I wanted my life back.
So friends, please hear me when I tell you, with love and respect, get out of your own head! Get into your heart! Listen to the subtle
voice inside--a voice I choose to believe is God--encouraging you to make that
change. Maybe you can't hear it this very second, but trust me it's there,
waiting for you to discover it's power--your untapped inner power--to be a healthier
better you.
It's your decision. It's
your life. It's your turn.
PEACE
Dan
