We've all heard the expression: "You can't go
home." Well, I disagree.
I was lucky enough to call two cities in Maryland home. I was born and raised in good old Western
Maryland (Hagerstown USA). I love this little-big town with all my
heart. No matter where life takes me, Hagerstown will always be my hometown. While growing up, there was one other Maryland landmark that was special to me and that
was Ocean City.
Every summer, my Dad would
load up our old blue Ford and we'd take that long drive (long for a kid, anyway)
to the eastern shore. Truth be told, we went there more than once in a year, and I can still remember Dad stuffing that luggage so full, I'd
spend the whole drive checking to see if it was still in place. I'd lean out
the window, only to hear my mom's concerned voice, demanding I get my
head back in the car.
"Did I want my neck to be broken by a passing car?" Well, no, as a matter of fact!
"Did I want my neck to be broken by a passing car?" Well, no, as a matter of fact!
And I'll never forget that
kid-like excitement that would fill my belly the night before. Sleeping was not an
option. And, in fact, because my bedroom overlooked the driveway, I'd wake
up off and on all night and look out at the car with growing anticipation.
Two more hours and we'll be
gone, I'd think, unable to control the fluttering of butterflies inside my stomach.
So many great memories were created in Ocean City. I spent the weekend of my high school graduation there,
celebrating with many other young men and women of Maryland. Like everyone else, I partied the
night away and rang in the morning with an Egg-Mcmuffins, a cold brew on the
beach, and an undeniable hangover. I still don't quiet remember the night before
(Hey, I was eighteen). OC is also where I discovered the best milk
shakes in the world (Dumser's), the tastiest caramel popcorn (Fisher's), the
most fabulous Pizza (Tony's), and the--OK, I think you get the point!
As I said, I have always
considered Ocean City to be my second home, so it was no big surprised when I
decided to move to there about eighteen years ago. I was going to pursue
my dreams in radio and take over the air waves of the DELMARVA area! And those first
few years in OC where truly some of my best. I lived a short walk from the beach. I
had a late night radio gig on the weekends and a decent paying job through the
week. Life was good. 
Then life began to change and one bad event after another also changed me. Soon, I'd lost sight of my dreams. And eventually, I lost Dan. The home I once loved became a place of doubt and regret. I began to view shore-life differently. I no longer saw happy families and loving couples walking on the beach, enjoying each other. Instead, I saw tourists crowding "our" beaches and college kids drinking excessively, making "my" streets unsafe and congested. Ocean City was no longer a peaceful place for me.
It was about this time that my
depression deepened and my weight escalated. Now, in my mind, I was not only
living in tourist-hell, but I was trapped in my own self made prison as well. Basically,
my life was falling apart, and as most of you know, I quickly began to gain weight, eventually becoming that giant I often talk about.
So what's your point Dan? I
can hear you asking. We've heard all this before.
Well, I
went back to Ocean City this past week and I went back with a new attitude, a new way of seeing
life, and most importantly, a new me. I took my partner in crime, Patricia
Garber (Author), with me and for the sake of the book, showed her where my decline began.
I wanted her to taste, smell, and feel all of the food and places that I had spent
so much time enjoying and then despising.
When we first arrived, I
wasn't sure how it would feel to be "home". Admittedly, I was nervous.
I wanted to rediscover my happy place again, and the Ocean City that had once held my
heart did call to me, but I was petrified I'd arrive and find only sadness and despair. I
wasn't sure I was ready for the disappointment, should it not work out as I'd
dreamed. When I'd left OC, some
three or four years prior, I was a six hundred pound scared and sad man. Now I
was returning as a healthy, excited, and passionate man. But would I be able to
overlook what had happened to me there and rekindle my love of the city? Would my demons be too strong? Could I find those good feelings I'd once had as a child and somehow mesh them with this new man? I feared the unknown.
That first night in OC, I
showed Trish (Short for Patricia) the boardwalk and could feel the excitement;
the sights and sounds of the boardwalk, like the rushing of the ocean waves to shore or the chimes of the arcade
games. First-things-first, we had a Dumser's shake. Then later we
sampled some of that awesome Fisher's Popcorn. And I'm happy to say that I did it
right this time, as we split every treat. Sure, I could have--and the old me
would have--consumed a whole box of caramel corn all by myself but I resisted. This
time, I was in control. Food did not control me--one positive sign that things
weren't quite the same for me and Ocean City.
More relaxed than ever before, I looked
out over the ocean and actually admired how the water melted into the horizon. The beauty I
remembered was evident in the contrast of the white capped waters, blending with an orange and yellow sky. That familiar excitement returned as I absorbed the sights, the smells, and the sounds of shore-life. The love I'd felt for
Ocean City as a child was very much intact.
During my visit, I shared many memories with Trish--the good as well as the bad. And as we sat where the once sad and
depressed Dan sat, I explained how I'd watch happy people walking by, laughing and enjoying life. How the old bitter and angry me would
grumble and growl at their obvious bliss, jealous to my core. And as I was telling her the stories, it
dawned on me that I'm now one of those happy people! I enjoy the sights of the
boardwalk and the smell of the salty sea air! I even looked around to see if anyone was watching me with those same hurt filled eyes I remember so well? The irony of it all made me chuckle but mostly
I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs: I love Ocean City and I love
life!
While there, we managed to
fit in some media events, helping to promote the journey and the book. It started
off with a great interview on Delmarva TV 47, where I got to talk about the moment I decided to take back my life. It was a great lights-camera-action
moment!!!!
Watch TV Segment Here:
Former Ocean City Man Loses More Than 300 Pounds
We also hung out with my old radio buddies, the crew at OC 104. My main man Bill Baker, The Rumshaker, had me on his morning show and we talked about the story as well as faith, God, and how to regain your life. I took some great calls--if you called in, thank you so much--and I got a good chuckle over watching my partner in crime get her feet wet with her first official radio spot. Way-to-go Trish!!
Former Ocean City Man Loses More Than 300 Pounds
We also hung out with my old radio buddies, the crew at OC 104. My main man Bill Baker, The Rumshaker, had me on his morning show and we talked about the story as well as faith, God, and how to regain your life. I took some great calls--if you called in, thank you so much--and I got a good chuckle over watching my partner in crime get her feet wet with her first official radio spot. Way-to-go Trish!!
We had a great time at OC
104 and it was so good to see my buddies happy and doing well. I found I'd missed
radio and I especially missed connecting with people.
Our next stop on the media
train was Ocean 98 and The Bulldog morning show. What a cool set up--a studio
high above the bay at Secrets, a.k.a Jamaica USA. Again, I shared the story and man was I loving
it. I wasn't just home but I was home making some noise! I was proud to be back
and happy to see old friends--some of whom didn't recognize me at first. Remember I'm now three hundred and thirty five
pounds lighter (Wink).
With the media part of the trip completed, it
was time to help others. And I was so honored when a few TOPS (Taking
off pounds sensibly) weight loss groups in the area asked if I'd speak to them. I did my best to inspire
all who attended, chatting about my addictions to food and how those bad habits
helped to create a six hundred and twenty five pound mass named Dan
Hawthorne. I shared with them the moment in my life when I thought I was
going to be visited by The Grim Reaper, encouraging them that they too can
regain their lives!
I don't regret one dark moment in my life. In
fact, I thank God everyday for allowing me to experience the struggle. It's because of those
bad times that I can now coach and help others. It's because of those sad and
lonely events in my life that so many can relate to me and my story. My pain is what allows me to connect, and I just want to thank all of you at TOPS
Berlin/Ocean City for inviting me and making me a part of your journey.
You too can go home. If you so choose, you can have a do-over in
your life. Maybe it's an old friend, one
whom had tried to reach out to you at your lowest moment and you pushed them
away. Maybe you avoided family reunions or other events because you were ashamed.
Maybe you have never walked on a beach before because you physically aren't able--I
couldn't, as I was too large and my step was too unstable on sand. I lived in
OC for almost 14 years and never walked on the beach. Whatever it is that you've missed out on, you can have a do-over.
When you're ready, when you're in a healthier place, you can go back. You just have to want it, believe
you're worth it, and most importantly--START NOW!
I had the sand between my
toes, the ice cold ocean at my feet, and it felt wonderful! Every day I rediscovered a tiny detail of
shore-life that I had missed the first time around. I used to walk through the
day numb, seeing life in black and white. But friends, God gave us eyes to
see the beauty around us and he intended for us to see it in full living color!
Put down the food. Get up.
Get moving. Your new life is waiting for you!
LIVE IT OUT LOUD!
PEACE
Dan
